Life as seen through the eyes of an awakening autistic mother
Welcome to my blog.
Where I’ll speak of my personal experience on expansion of consciousness, dabbling in various spiritual disciplines, my healing journey and my own personal philosophy around topics of God, autism, sexuality, drugs(some herbs ARE holy. Sometimes.), vanity, the collective consciousness and more.
Who am I?
Hi. I am Heidi. I am autistic (asd level 1…high functioning…formerly known as aspergers) I also suffer from a variety of mental health (and by proxy…) personality disorders.
Because #smalltownconservativedogmarelatedtrauma.
I am an awakening soul. Ie I am expanding my consciousness. Ie I am transcending the ego and moving into alignment with spirit. Ie I am on my path to enlightenment. Ie I am raising my frequency. Ie I am moving closer to God.
Many names and faces, none totally accurate. If humans had the answers we’d all be Christ by now.
Human suffering is what drove me to seek out God. Healing is what I thought I was after, without knowing that true healing is also the process of moving closer to God.
So many lovely (and then again not so lovely, and sometimes down right terrifying) revelations have formed part of my journey…and this is the platform I am using to share my revelations/realizations with you, dear reader.
Maybe my hard won lessons can help make your journey (to healing/peace/God) a little less onerous than mine has been. Maybe you can take inspiration from me.
Because if someone as badly damaged and flawed as I am can pull myself back from the edge of sanity, then so too my friend… can you.
Book info and link
Title-From the edge of sanity: an autistic anthology
Link to purchase:
My reason for blogging?
I write and I know things… I’d like to share my perspective with you. It is a still imperfect but highly refined perspective and it is not strictly my own. I have messages to share and hope to bring.
Meet Heidi. She is a rapidly ageing woman/child with CPTSD*. She’s autistic, had ADD**, NPD***, BPD**** AND HPD*****. ALLLL the psyche ward acronyms
Honestly,I am no longer on firm ground when it comes to my notions on God. My world was turned upside down the day I grew desperate enough to pray to a Christian God I’d stopped believing in 22 years ago…
I self diagnosed at the age of 30, after seeing, in the female lead of the netflix series “queens gambit”, behaviors and “peculiarities” that mirrored my own as a child. Forgotten behavior’s I’d long since learned to forsake. Not very accepting of autistic peculiarites, was the society to which I was born…
A turn of phrase…BPD is not a drug. Although it does impair consciousness and skew perception. Being borderline places me, literally, on the edge of sanity. Luckily for me I have self awareness and God on my side. One day I’ll be free of this particular set of demons. And on that day I’ll write a book helping others to do the same, for themselves.
-
Yoga no more?
Everything (well…not quiet everything) I thought I KNEW might, after all…be wrong. Or partially true, true to a point and perspective. Yoga woke me up and gave me power. But were those powers in my best interest? It’s all relative. Maybe, what worked yesterday will not work tomorrow. I am developing a new spiritual practice and this time it includes the teachings of Jesus and other Christian prophets.
Let’s begin with this quote from Eckharte Tolle:
The density of the ego depends on the degree to which you-the consciousness-are identified with your mind, with thinking..
Our first task, is to differentiate between YOU and the ego.
fromtheedgeofsanity.com 