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  • Two women, one heart… and the business they built.

    Today we meet Tshidi (full name??) as the proud new owner of Kwa Gogo T- a restaurant with a soul, story and purpose. A new name for a familiar space, the once beloved Kaza kitchen has gained a new lease in life under the leadership of it’s new owner. Having managed Kaza for the past 8 years, Tshidi understands the heart of the place and loves the community that has formed around it.

    Her vision is to maintain and nurture the spirit which first drew her in and made her want to be part of what the establishment was trying to achieve.

    Kwa Gogo T is more than a business, it is an institution, and Tshidi is more than an owner, she is an altruistic visionary.

    HEIDI-Hello Tshidi, thank you for taking the time to meet with us today. Can you introduce yourself to our readers?

    TSHIDI-Hi, I’m Tshidi. I am Malawian/South African, a single mother to 2 daughters. I grew up in Mzuzu, moved between south Africa and Malawi over the years. Mzuzu is still my home, I moved to Lilongwe for my now ex husband about 8 years ago.

    ‘HEIDI-Sorry to hear about your separation, but we are glad you are here now, can’t really imagine a Lilongwe without Tshidi. When did you first discover Kaza and meet the owner, Filly?”

    TSHIDI-It was towards the end of covid, things were easing up a bit. I used to sit on that couch over there.” she points to a locally made cane couch, adorned in brightly colored throw cushions, “She had the BEST sushi..but It was mostly the vibe of the place that kept me coming back. That was the beginning of our little love story.. Once a week, I’d come for lunch or a chat, generally enjoying the atmosphere. One day Filly was looking a little tired, I asked her what was wrong, she responded “Sometimes I wish I had a clone.” She was always open, honest, very relatable. At this stage I had my own home business, making jewelry and doing make up.. but at that time business was pretty slow. What she said about needing a clone stuck with me, and since my business wasn’t keeping me busy, one day, about 2 weeks after this conversation, I messaged her, asking if she was serious about needing a clone. She was surprised that I called, told me then that they couldn’t afford to hire any one at that time. Her business was also really slow, just coming out of covid. So I said well let’s chat anyway and see how things turn out, so we did. I told her, I am not doing this for the money, I really like the vibe and I believe in what you are doing here, I want to be part of it. Let me start, slowly slowly (pangolo pangolo) and lets see where this takes us. So that is how I started. As time went by she started handing over more responsibility, letting me open and close the shop…and when business began to pick up she increased my salary. Filly has a really big heart, she pays her staff well, if she can give more she always will.

    HEIDI-She really is an amazing person. So you worked as a manager for 8 years before taking over ownership, can you tell us a little bit more about the lessons you learned along the way?

    TSHIDI-I think the biggest lesson I learned is that success comes from empowering other people. Don’t do everything yourself, it’s important to delegate and to trust the people you work with. It’s about serving the team and understanding each person as an individual. We all come from different backgrounds, so I learned that you need to take a different approach with each person, learn to understand their strengths and weaknesses, delegate accordingly.

    HEIDI-It sounds like you are a natural manager, you were not trained, you have good intuition, and you moved through the ranks quickly.

    TSHIDI-Yes, I gained confidence and realized that you don’t need a degree to do this kind of work, just a heart for the work and the people is enough.

    HEIDI-That’s beautiful. Was there a point where you thought you’d like to become owner one day, as opposed to a manager?

    TSHIDI-It was never the plan for me to own a restaurant. My vision was always to own a plot of land outside of the city to open an event place.

    HEIDI-Life sometimes throws us some crazy wild cards doesn’t it? So how did it come about, Filly handing the business over to you?

    TSHIDI-Filly went on holiday about (x?) months ago. When she came back she called a management meeting, and that was when she broke the news. It was a big shock, I was not expecting it. I was like: “Oh my gosh! What is going to happen to this beautiful place, and the staff? They have families to feed, and my daughters are not done with their education, I am a single mom ..so there were a lot of emotions. I also respected her decision to close. I am very proud of her, because not many people would take the decision to look after themselves. She always does things for other people but she was struggling to maintain a healthy work/life balance, she did so much for her employees and the community, the environment, but at what point do you say “my mental state matters too. ” I admired her for being able to say “this does not bring me joy anymore.”

    HEIDI-That is brave of her, but also of you, for taking on that responsibility, stepping in to fill those very large shoes of hers. So you wernt really thinking about ownership, did she ask if you’d like to take it on?”

    TSHIDI-Yes she did, at the end of the meeting, she asked if I’d like to continue with the business.

    HEIDI-It really is a big responsibility, was it an easy decision?

    TSHIDI-It was actually. I enjoy what I do and we are good friends. We were friends when we were working together, her as the owner and me as the manager, and we still are very good friends. I believe in what she believes in, the work she’s started here. These are the values I hold close to my heart so it made it an easy decision. I mean, I was a little scared, being responsible for the staff, my own family. But you have faith that God will not put something infront of you that is too big for you to handle

    HEIDI-Yes, so true, thank you for sharing your faith, that is inspiring. Buying an established business seems easier than starting a new one? What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during your transition from manager to owner?

    TSHIDI- Filly made it easy for me. She said I could use the space as is. Furniture, decor, sound system cash register…everything was set up. I could even keep the same menu if I wanted to. I didn’t even need to buy a plate, everything was already here. The challenges started when it came to registering a new name for a business, setting up a POS, getting a liquor license, things like that. It was hard working with the Malawian business registration and regulatory institutions. Everything took a lot of effort and more time than it should’ve

    HEIDI-That’s disheartening, these institutions should exist to make new business owners lives easy, you’re building the local economy after all. What do you think can be done to streamline things, make it more efficient and less of a headache to prospective entrepreneurs?

    TSHIDI-We need to go digital. Right now things are done manually and it’s costing a lot of time and mistakes. The infrastructure and systems are unreliable. It’s a huge frustration. Malawi IS developing but I feel we should be further along than this. Then there is working with artisans etc. There was one incident, I paid someone to print a sign, he did the work completely wrong and he will not refund my money. He does not care about setting a high work standard. It’s frustrating for business owners.

    HEIDI-I have noticed over 8 years of being here, quiet an apathetic approach that many artisans seem to have. Not all mind you, I have worked with some highly motivated and skilled, creative people, but I’ve experienced enough of this apathy phenomenon that it’s made me wonder. Could this nationwide apathy be the result of people who don’t want to participate in a capitalistic system? Maybe they’re depressed, maybe they’d rather be growing their own food on their own land, and not be participating in the capitalist “rat race”. Its frustrating as a consumer when you encounter such people but I also need to stop myself and wonder…maybe they are equally as frustrated by the unfairness of the status quo and this apathy is their way of showing it? Even so, well done for navigating these stumbling blocks so gracefully, really speaks to your strength and resilience. Let’s move on to the next question..

    Filly built Kaza into a succesful business over many years. What lessons did you learn working alongside her? “

    TSHIDI-The thing about Filly, she actually led by example, not only in the business environment but in every day life. She set the standard, she lived with those standards, she still does. She always gave good, clear instructions. She taught me the importance of keeping records to prevent misunderstandings. It’s also important not to assume that everyone knows the things that you know. What I know, someone else might not, so we need to practice patience and kindness always. Another important lesson was, listening is more important than speaking, I sometimes struggle with this as someone who likes to talk a lot haha

    When you listen you build trust, and shows them that you value what people are saying. Filly respected people as individuals. She respected religious boundaries.. and she always left room for mistakes…because you cannot grow if you are not allowed to make mistakes. She was not critical of peoples mistakes, she’d just ask…how do we solve this problem?”

    HEIDI-Probably with a smile on her face…

    TSHIDI-Yes! I mean I could go on and on, I could write a book, “things Filly taught me.”

    HEIDI-I’d read that book! Ok, next question…Tell us the story behind the name, Kwa Gogo T?

    TSHIDI-Kwa Gogo means grandparents, and it represents that feeling of comfort and belonging that you get when you visit your grandparents. A sense of coming home. In the same way that you inherit things from your grandparents, I have inherited this business from Filly, who is like family to me. She used to call this place her baby and now it’s like her baby has given birth, a new generation to carry on the family values and tradition.

    HEIDI-That’s so clever, the name works on many levels. Could you speak a little bit on the food you serve at Kwa Gogo T.

    TSHIDI-We believe that good food should not be complicated, we like to keep it simple, homey and hearty, food to feed the soul and warm the heart.

    HEIDI-And I think you have achieved this. Your noodles are my favourite. I think we’re nearly done here, two questions left… How do you balance respecting the history of the business, while also creating something that reflects your own vision?

    TSHIDI-I’ve always believed in the work Filly has done here, how she looked after the staff, she understood that they are human souls and not robots, treated them like family. She did her part caring for our planet, many recycling initiatives, fundraising events for reforestation… then there are the multiple community initiatives she began that we will continue to support.

    HEIDI-Could you tell us a little more about these initiatives please?

    TSHIDI-Yes sure. One thing we do, we sell clothes, the money goes to both feeding street kids and supporting refugee education. We also do a monthly car boot sale and the proceeds from that goes to an elderly home (name?). We host a monthly quiz which will raise funds for a paliative care place in salima.(?)

    HEIDI-You do so much it’s very impressive, and heartwarming honestly.

    TSHDI-Yes I believe this kind of work taps into my nature as a mother, and as someone who would like the earth to be a better place. This business has a soul, a character, so I do try add some of my own signature here and there, but it was nearly perfect, like a home, a place you could feel comfortable in. It is not just a business, I wanted to preserve that character of the place, because humanity needs it and it represents my values too.

    HEIDI- Thank you Tshidi, you have taught me alot today, I am sure our readers will find much value in the insights you have shared, and I think we will all walk away a little lighter, knowing that there are people like you, keeping good works going, and perhaps even inspired to start something of our own.

    TSHIDI- Every little bit helps.

    HEIDI- So true! We at IPA wish you all the very best, in business and life. Tiwonana! Did I say that right?

    TSHIDI-haha yes, perfect. Tiwonana!

    Till next time.

  • Who is God, to me?

    Honestly, I am no longer on firm ground when it comes to my notions on God. My spiritual world was turned upside down the day I grew desperate enough to pray to a Christian God I’d stopped believing in 22 years ago…

    Only a few weeks before, I’d been a devote Yogi, with daily spiritual practice of Qi qong and taoist centred meditations. I thought I’d find God in these practices alone, for seven years I’d pursued them with an obsessiveness that only an autistic can.

    Then came the 2 weeks from hell. ( or perhaps… from God?) A little more than 14 days of zero relief from the barrage of things that can and often do go wrong when you live in a 3rd world country.

    I was nearly mugged, 200m from my house. My spidey senses saved me, but the incident really shook me and shattered my naïve sense of safety.

    A transformer blew up near our house and our whole neighborhood was without power for nearly a week.

    My boys and I contracted malaria and a co-occuring parasite at the same time, leading to countless blood tests and treatment protocols, none of which really worked till 3 weeks in.

    Malaria is extremely dangerous in children under the age of 5. My boys are 4 years old. They take a daily dose of prophylaxsis, but over the course of 6 months I’d missed one or 2 doses. ( my frantic and not often fully present Autistic and ADD brain to blame…)

    So on top of the stress, I carried a heavy burden of guilt, shame and frustration.

    Misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment protocols are, unfortunately, pretty commonplace here. I did not know who’s opinion to trust, and my BPD/CPTSD mind is given to catastrophizing…I was convinced that the were going to die because they hadn’t received correct treatment and I would have to fight to save them.

    My little boys needed blood test after blood test…some clinics insisted on drawing from the vein. This experience was traumatic for them, by the end of it they were pretending to be healthy so as to avoid seeing another doctor.

    It was a real trial for me as well, and I was losing the fight against my triggers. Being an autistic mother who is very sensitive to sound in general and the sound of her children’s screams in particular, not to mention the stress and frustration of it all…I was having meltdown after meltdown, (ie: autistic overwhelm.)

    Eckhartte Tolle speaks about the pain body. When it is activated, your sympathetic nervous system is on overdrive and your thoughts and emotions are impaired and compromised. In someone with Autism, CPTSD and BPD, overwhelm can be a very scary thing. (Which is why it is my life’s mission to heal my brain, so that my children are not impacted by my trauma as I was by my father and mothers trauma.)

    And then… the straw that broke the camels back…

    I got a bad haircut.

    Like, a really bad haircut.

    People can be, and many often are…assholes. Before anyone tells you to not care about what people are saying about you (and your bad haircut)think about this…

    We DO impact each other. Not only our actions or the words that we speak but also our thoughts and feeling’s towards each other. Autistic people are super sensitive to all kinds of energies. Which is why I have zero self esteem and have sufferred most of my life with debilitating depression. Instead of denying the impact we have on one another, would it not be better to ask that we start being kinder, to each other, to ourselves? Just a thought. I digress…back on topic.

    At this point my mind was in full catastrophizing mode. My pain body was fully activated and my heart closed, I had no patience, kindness or time for my children. I hated myself and my mind and the body that assailed me with the unbearable sensations of heightened anxiety and dread.

    And then a thought came to me.

    (Actually, this same thought had been coming for awhile…a few months…whenever I was in the grips of a powerful BPD episode the voice would come…)

    And the voice said…

    “This is not only trauma. This in NOT only mental illness. This is a demon.”

    I’d dismissed this voice before, but the time had come where I was desperate enough to heed it.

    So I googled “demonic possession”. The first article which caught my eye resonated with me, was surprisingly scientific and practical. It spoke of demons in terms that I could understand from a psychological perspective.

    My next step was to you tube a prayer, to “release yourself from the grips of demons.” I was still incredibly dubious at this point, but like I said… desperation drove me.

    I prayed to a God I’d shunned and laughed at, for 15 minutes straight, repeating the words of the prayer along with the you-tube bot, letting my mind focus only on the prayer, pleading for relief from my “demons”

    And the relief was immediate. A peace settled on me that I cannot remember every feeling. I carried this peace with me for the next few days.

    I was still in my time of trial, things were still going wrong, we were all still ill and my book launch was coming up and technology was failing me…but I had peace. For the first time in my life, probably.

    So now I believe in demons and “open doors”. I believe that I have been wrong about many things. I am not ready to shun yoga and maybe I don’t have to, but I do see now that I can no longer enter into any spiritual practice lightly.

    Yoga gives power, it is undeniable. But nowhere in all my years did any teacher or scripture mention demons or how important it is to protect your mind and body from their influence.

    There is alot more to know. I continue to pray for direction and correction when and where needed.

  • My Autism diagnoses

    My Autism diagnoses

    I self diagnosed at the age of 30, after seeing, in the female lead of the netflix series “queens gambit”, behaviors and “peculiarities” that mirrored my own as a child. Forgotten behavior’s I’d long since learned to forsake. Not very accepting of autistic peculiarites, was the society to which I was born…

    Sorry South Africa, I’m going to hate on you a little bit. You kind of deserve it. Well, small town South Africa does at any rate. I cannot speak from the perspective of someone growing up in a city…although I am of the opinion that there is a kind of nation wide abuse going on that no one really acknowledges.

    Until we hit middle age/have children of our own, and the monsters will no longer remain in the closet. They come out raging and we sedate them with SSRI’s. And this is not in anyway restricted to South Africa…it is a global issue. BUT. South Africa does have its own individual brand of trauma and the way that said trauma manifests is unique to the people of our very complex and diverse country. So too do Germans, so too do Americans…Chinese…Malawians…and on and on. It’s all at once fascinating and incredibly sad…the depths to which my and previous generations of humans were traumatized. The scientist in me is fascinated with the cause and effect of it all…and the artist in me is distressed at the sheer enormity of generational/collective trauma.

    I digress, back on topic.

    At this point I would like to clarify that I do have an official ADD and autism diagnoses. Not that I really needed one…

    I know from experience that the term “self diagnoses” will result in an immediate raising of the collective eyebrow. I really wish that this was not the case. It is a very frustrating thing, to have your theories, hypothesis, ideas and opinions totally invalidated by the knee jerk reaction of a species that has been brainwashed into believing that we are not allowed to use our own minds to make psychological or physiological deductions. I am labelled a layperson and told to stay in my lane. I say, if you have the intellect (as I am sure many or even most of us, do) to educate ourselves we will of course be able to identify whatever is amiss in our minds and bodies. In fact I’d go so far as to say that this is part of the process of becoming Self(and self) aware. Something that the powers that be are trying to avoid, perhaps?

    Moving swiftly along (removes tin-foil hat….)

    At first, I was in denial about the whole thing. When a google search revealed that the protagonist was written to have (what was then termed) “Aspergers”, I was like…

    “pffft. I DO NOT have aspergers….”

    .

    .

    “Wait, what is Aspergers?”

    And so my search began. And it didn’t take very much digging before the initial denial became certainty.

    I WAS Autistic.

    And I was going to tell the world.

    Part 2 coming soon….